


Situation of Mine

by ccjasper



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: EVERYONE IS REALLY HAPPY AT THE END I PROMISE, IM FOUNDING 'TEAM JASPER HAS PTSD' ANYONE WANNA JOIN, M/M, Or are mentioned, THIS HAS A HAPPY ENDING JUST NOT IN THE WAY YOU WOULD THINK, and for writing ptsd, bc again, because of all the positive attention ive been getting ;;, btw this fic is jasper-centric, but at this rate i may throw in a couple bonus chapters, but prestons relevance is especially important in the v last chapter, careful on that last chapter you might get hu rt, even after 14 years, every character except daniel shows up, everyone has some relevance but preston.......... important, everything i know about muscle injury comes from how my mom, except im too scared of being annoying to tag all the characters, hes fun to write too so!, i have ptsd myself so i know im doing that part right, i know how everythings going to go down, i know i got hurt writing it, i only have 7 chapters planned because i have things planned, jasper has ptsd from the bears/cliff btw, jasper is prestons favourite counselor and that has plot relevance, jaspers neck/shoulders/knees are fucked, lol, ok, talks about her thumbs/knees, they only show up, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 06:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccjasper/pseuds/ccjasper
Summary: Jasper gets a job at his least favourite place in the world, in his defence though; it was a suggestion from his therapist. It was worth a try, maybe he'd stop having nightmares about the most traumatic day of his life if he had some positive experiences in the place it happened! Unfortunately, it didn't work, and now his PTSD isn't the only thing he's losing sleep over; now he's so head over heels with his co-counselor, David, that he can't even bring himself to consider quitting, even if being in the camp takes a toll on his mental health.





	1. Gwen and God both start with G

The day had _started_ quite simply, it really did. Jasper was hired off the bat when David realized that he remembered his old friend, and Gwen did a rather extensive background check before she concluded that she trusted Jasper to be safe to be around a bunch of children.  
Next, he was introduced to all the campers.

 

Not individually, of course. That would be much too time consuming and would cut too far into the time set aside for activities. Instead, everyone was called into the mess hall and surprisingly, David got straight to the point about Jasper, the newest co-counselor!  
   

“Give Jasper a warm welcome!” David had instructed, and even if most of the children didn’t seem to be too pleased at the idea of another counselor, Jasper got a warm enough welcome from David. When whatever little noise was made calmed, David continued, “Jasp is an old friend of mine,” David’s hand found it’s way to Jasper’s shoulder, resting there as he spoke. “We met when I was a Campbell camper, just like yourselves! I-” David was abruptly cut off when Jasper forced a loud cough, quickly gaining his and the campers attention.

 

“As radical as it is that you remember, Davey, I think we can hold off on the stories.” Jasper started after a moment, and when a small, momentary, look of disappointment flashed through David’s expression, Jasper quickly picked up where he left off in fear of making David anything but happy with his decision to interrupt. “After all, we shouldn’t go too far into the time we have for activities! I still need to get to know the campers.” He concluded with a smile, effectively evidently pleasing David, and with a look back at the campers, he seemed to have relieved them of David’s tendency to over-do the telling of stories.

 

The first few activities they did were some well-known activities, such as sitting in a circle and having each camper say their name and something they enjoy as if it were the first day of camp. None of the campers seemed to enjoy it very much, but Jasper learned quite a bit from it. There was Max, he seemed pretty condescending and Jasper figured he’d be a special case to deal with, seeing as he claimed to not enjoy anything. Neil and Neil, two sciency kids. Nikki, Jasper thought she was going to be more of a handful than Max could ever be when she mentioned bears and wolves; two things that made him cold in his seat, despite it being unbearably hot outside and not having an aircon. Harrison and Nerris, magic campers, easy enough to remember. Nurf, who refused to say his _real_ first name, Jasper was a tad scared of him. Meredith remarked that she liked girls, and Jasper couldn’t tell if she was joking or no, but with the assumption that she wasn’t, he was glad he could be sure he wasn’t the only queer one there. Lastly, Dolph and Preston, fine arts kids. Jasper knew there would be a lot of remembering, but with it simplified as far as he could simplify it, he hoped that it wouldn’t take too long before he had everyone's names memorized.

 

“Alright! Let’s take a thirty minute break before the next activity.” Jasper concluded, standing up from the circle. The campers all seemed pretty cooperative, or at least Jasper had worked with less cooperative children, so at this point it things were looking up! Perhaps he’d be able to get over his irrational fear of the woods of this god forsaken camp sooner than he thought if he kept having positive experiences like such.

 

“You’re doing great!” David beamed the moment the last camper had left the building, and Jasper couldn’t help but feel a sudden warmth in his chest and upper back at being praised by someone with much more experience than himself. He felt embarrassed but pleased that he’d seemed to impress David.

 

“You think so?” Jasper asked, the low heat in his back and chest rising to his neck and ears as David put his arm back on Jasper’s shoulder - _what is with this guy and having to be touching something?_ \- Jasper wasn’t accustomed to this much physical contact, rather, he usually rejected it very openly. The most he was usually comfortable with was handshakes and the occasional hug from his family when he went to see them. Otherwise it was suffocating, but Jasper didn’t have the heart to tell David that, especially when he didn’t particularly mind it coming from David.

 

He was reassured, and the two sat on a bench catching up on all the years since they were both campers themselves. It was a funny coincidence to Jasper that the two both ended up being counselors at the same camp, but not an unwelcome coincidence, rather, Jasper was all for this! Jasper found amusement in plenty of the stories that David told him about events that had gone down at the camp over the past few years and having all this fun talking to him, their thirty-minute break had gone by in a snap of a finger. Jasper would have forgotten about the time just watching David talk had he not set an alarm on his device.

The next activity they did was no longer a ‘Jasper gets to know everyone’ activity, but one that was set up for the sake of having fun with the campers on Jasper’s first day of work! Jasper wasn’t sure how David liked to run things regularly around here, but hands-on fun was definitely something Jasper was into, and so they made a human knot.

 

Jasper held Max and David’s hands, David held Jasper and Meredith's hands, Erid held David and Gwen’s hands, Gwen held Erid and Science-Neil’s hands, Neil held Gwen and Space-Neil’s hands, Space Kid held Neil and Dolph's hands, Dolph held Space Kid and Nikki’s hands, Nikki held Dolph and Nerris’ hands, Nerris held Nikki and Harrison's hands, Harrison held Nerris and Nurf’s hands, Nurf held Harisson and Preston's hands, and Preston held Nurf and Max’s hands. Now, to get into a circle.

Max was the first one to let go after maybe two or three minutes of everyone trying to work together to untangle their arms, quickly getting bored and uncomfortable with the activity. David tightened his grip on Jasper's hand as to gesture his attention to the  _activity they were in the middle of doing_ and just let Max wander off. As a response, Jasper quickly grabbed Preston’s hand, figuring that he’d ask David about it later. Preston made no argument, and they all continued.

Jasper could see an obvious solution, and he could tell from where David had his focus on that David could see it too, glancing at Gwen, not so much, she was trying to order the kids around, a sensible tactic, of course. They needed a director, but Jasper’s idea was to hopefully let the kids figure this out. Looking towards Science-Neil, he was immediately met with a glare. Oh boy, there’s one camper who’s gonna resent him for this, perhaps two if Max held anything against Jasper for not making him stay.

 

It took about an hour of this, and by the time they had finally formed a circle with everyone, Jasper was ready to collapse. “Tubular job, everyone!” Jasper cheered as everyone let go of each other's hands. Nobody seemed to pay him any heed for this, and Jasper couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. Jasper was proud of the campers, but he honestly wondered if the campers were even proud of themselves for this. Apparently, the disappointment showed on his face, because Gwen approached him shortly.

“They prefer to just do their own thing,” Understandable, this was Camp Scambell after all, where they were all forced into joining a camp that didn’t even fully deal with their needs, but this was something to be proud of! It was a difficult task that required tons of teamwork, which clearly none of these campers were very skilled with, so it should have some extra pride to go with it for just that! Jasper nodded with a short, inaudible sigh.

They were a bunch of ten-year-olds, this was just one activity. Surely, there’d be plenty of real fun this summer! He dismissed the campers to their afternoon activities.

* * *

  _How_ he ended up tied back to back with David was a mystery to him. Everything happened a bit too quickly, one moment he was talking with David in the mess hall again, and the next he was outside, sitting on the ground unable to move his upper-body. David was the one worked up about this, but Jasper’s sense of mentally being _there_ was gone, everything legitimately felt like a dream. Time was moving slowly, and his state of mind felt really unclear. While he was wide-awake and well-rested, he was dissociating like there was no tomorrow. He was completely relaxed and unable to bring himself to a clear enough state of mind to react, and leaning against David’s back.

 

David sat upright, making sure to clearly state how disappointed he was in Max for this, but Jasper couldn’t quite grasp the words precisely. What he had managed to gather was that the campers had tied them up and taken over the camp for a second time. When Jasper did manage to recollect himself enough to think, he found himself focusing on how David’s back felt against his, rather than a way out of this situation. He was tense, and didn’t relax any until at least a few minutes of struggling after the campers left them.

Part of Jasper’s mind wondered where Gwen was, but it was a distant thought that Jasper couldn’t bring himself to pay any mind to. He wasn’t tired, but he was ready for a nap. “Jas?” David asked after a little bit, his tone suggesting that he just wanted to be sure that Jasper was awake.

“Yeah?” He responded, his disconnected state of mind slowly coming together enough for him to properly analyze the situation the two were in. David shifted a little bit, just enough to force Jasper into straightening his posture. “What are you-”

“Getting out.” He muttered, quite focused on the small movements he was in the process of making, and for a brief moment Jasper considered that David had to have had experience with this sort of situation if this wasn’t the first time. A very brief moment, it didn’t take long before Jasper went back to leaning against David, making no effort to try and help get out.

“This is hopeless, Davey.” Jasper stated plainly, “Just wait, I’m sure they won’t keep us tied up here forever.” David seemed to ignore Jasper’s suggestion but did stop to think for a brief moment. “We’re gonna have to stand up.” Jasper had no idea what David was thinking of, and quite frankly didn’t want to find out.

“Davey, please-” He whined quietly as David pushed against his back, obviously trying to stand up. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be untied, it was moreso that he didn’t want to put a ton of effort into getting up when someone was bound to come cut them out eventually, and that quite frankly, he enjoyed being this close to David. “Just relax for a bit, they can’t do that much harm,” He went on, being stubborn about not moving.

“No.” Was the only response he got as the redhead kept on with his futile attempts of trying to get Jasper to help stand up. Jasper huffed, no longer lacking any effort, instead changing to put his effort towards staying on the ground. He may have only been bigger than David by a pinch, but he was quite a bit stronger than David. Meaning Jasper’s stubbornness was enough to keep David stuck to the ground as if he were tied to a rock consciously trying to root itself to the ground, rather than another human being. “Jasper-”

“No.” Jasper responded in a mocking-tone pleased with himself as soon as David stopped pushing against him, and he could properly breathe once more. “One of the campers will free us as soon as they realize that they need us to do something,” Jasper wasn’t sure what part of the situation made David finally give in to Jasper’s opinion, be it the fact Jasper had talked sense into him, or that he simply wasn’t able to get Jasper to help, but he was thankful he managed to do it. Besides, maybe Jasper would learn something about the campers from this!

Jasper was wrong, of course. Gwen had left camp a few hours before this, and came back after at least three or four hours of Jasper and David being stuck together on the ground outside the mess hall. By the time she was back, it was pretty late and David was sleeping peacefully against Jasper, and Jasper was just watching all the empty space around them for movement. He hadn’t seen any of the campers in quite a little while, and occasionally he would glance at David and get flustered over the thought of him being calm enough around him to fall asleep.

Gwen’s first reaction was confusion, and next was questioning them about it, but Jasper was relieved that she’d shown up when she pulled a pocket knife from her pocket and started to saw away at the rope. “We had a little bit of an issue...” Jasper concluded quietly once the rope fell, not moving any in fear of waking David.

“I noticed.” Gwen responded glancing at David, “You mind carrying him to his cabin? I’ll make sure the campers are put to sleep.” Jasper nodded, and with no further conversation, Gwen left David up to Jasper.

Seeing David so calm and content put Jasper in a little situation, but Jasper wasn’t about to try and figure out what kind of situation it was. He didn’t have the energy to think about it, all he had to do was carry David from one place to another before he could just collapse in his own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dis·so·ci·a·tion  
> separation of normally related mental processes, resulting in one group functioning independently from the rest, leading in extreme cases to disorders such as multiple personality.  
> plural noun: dissociations
> 
> i figured it would be right to have jasper dissociate a little, considering that i do that regularly as a result from my own ptsd lol,,


	2. Hikes and Hunts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David radiates safety, and a feeling of safety is something Jasper lacks with his ptsd, especially here at Camp Campbell. Of course, Jasper knows how to play off feeling unsafe, but it's certainly going to take a while for him to live down the embarrassment of feeling safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS KINDA LONG COMPARED TO FUTURE CHAPTERS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

Jasper couldn’t remember the precise details of his dream, but being startled awake by David slamming the door to his cabin open was more than just a blessing. Sure, he’d lost a bit of sleep thinking about the days events, and then being afraid to get to sleep, but sleep was nothing less than a way to let flashbacks become reality again in surreal ways that made no sense once he was woken up. Which is exactly why waking up was a blessing, even if it was in cold sweat. Especially waking up to David, a friendly face to contrast what he was seeing just moments before; he could get used to that.

He couldn’t quite remember all the plans for today off the top of his head, he could only remember hiking being the first activity of the day because of all the time he spent thinking on how much he regretted not mentioning any health concerns to David; afraid it might make him look less fit for the job, and as a result not _get_ him the job. About the rest of the activities, David or Gwen probably had them written down, so Jasper felt no need to worry himself about it.

David enthusiastically pulled Jasper out of bed by the wrists, earning a quiet yelp from Jasper as he quickly made an attempt to grab for his blanket and pulled it over his chest. If David noticed the scars, he didn’t seem phased by them. Jasper felt awkward in the few moments of silence, wondering if David was going to speak or if he was just here to wake up Jasper and stand there, staring into space.

Right before Jasper opened his mouth, David seemed to come to his senses. “Mess hall!” His tone of voice was much too confident for the fact he obviously didn’t think through what he was saying before quickly leaving the cabin, leaving Jasper.

Jasper stood there for a few moments, his freshly-woken brain needing time to process what had happened before Jasper set the blanket down on the bed and grabbed one of the few dozen matching camp counselor shirts he had that actually fit him. Maybe some people don’t like to cover up their scars, but Jasper wasn’t one of those people. He took at least half an hour using foundation to cover any and all old scars that showed on his arms, legs, and that one nick on his jaw. Nearly all of these scars came from fourteen years ago, and sometimes he wondered how they all managed to stay looking as if they were from last week. It frustrated him when he did think of it; made him feel as if he’d never get rid of all the traces of that event.

 

When he finally got into the mess hall, he was met with the slightly disappointed glare of Gwen’s, and a typical, bright and cheery David. “You’re late.” She stated, and Jasper had half a mind to make up an excuse, but rather just shrugged, making his way over to the other two and putting on a smile.

“Have you already explained what we’re doing today?” Jasper asked, directing the question towards David in hopes of being answered with positivity.

“We were waiting for you, actually!” Jasper’s hopes were answered as if some higher being had heard it as David turned towards the campers to explain how the hiking trip was going to go down; thank god for that, Jasper knew he’d need a recap. “Alright Campbell Campers!” David started, gaining the attention of the campers. “Today we’re going hiking, _and_ on a scavenger hunt!” Jasper glanced at Gwen, who looked equally as confused as Jasper was. It made him feel better to know that neither of them knew that David was going to spring this on them, and he was sure that this would end up being a conversation topic later on. For now, they both kept quiet as David went on explaining what was going on, “I have compiled two lists of different leaves, flowers, and other plants you’ll find in the woods! Everyone on the winning team will get a chance to choose the whole days activities for the next five days,” Jasper thought for a moment, wondering why it was apparent that David had decided to split the campers in two, despite there being three counselors. It did occur to him that David was a master at these sorts of things, but surely he wasn’t thinking of just sitting out of an activity?

 

David stopped speaking for a minute after that, looking around to make sure he had everyone's attention, and presumably giving them a moment to think about what they’d pick should they win. “There is ten campers, so there will be two teams of five. You have five minutes to assemble your teams-”

“And we reserve the right to make any changes to the teams you make up.” Gwen cut in, and Jasper internally praised her for her just-in-case thinking.

“Thank you, Gwen.” David resembled a kitten with the sheepish smile he gave Gwen as his volume momentarily lowered to speak to her rather than the group of campers.

Jasper saw this as an opportunity to ask questions, and as soon as David’s attention turned back to watching the campers pick teams, “Davey?” Jasper tapped his shoulder, “Are you not participating?” Jasper asked, hoping that David would pick up on the fact he was asking in reference to there being two teams, rather than three.

 

Puzzlement flashed across David’s face for a brief moment, “Of course I am! What makes you think I wouldn’t?” He asked, the uncertain expression quickly turning into curiosity, and Jasper cursed himself for not first asking about the teams, rather than David’s participation.

“Well,” He started off, unsure of how to word this now. “You divided the campers into -” He held up two fingers, “Two teams, but there are three-” He held up another finger next to the two already there, “Counselors.” He concluded slowly.

Any trace of confusion was gone before Jasper could finish his sentence, and David poked Jasper’s chest, “You’re on my team.” Plenty of thoughts went through Jasper’s head as he tried to figure out why David would do this, sure it was easier to divide the campers in two even teams, rather than having one team of four - but wouldn’t Max probably drop out anyways? Of course, Jasper wasn’t particularly against this, he had plenty of reasons to not want to go into the forest without another adult with him, _but he hadn’t told anyone of them_. Jasper had figured out the answer to his own question in the transient moment that David took to glance at his chest before taking his hand away from him, turning his attention fully to the campers again.

“Do we have our teams ready?” He called, his voice significantly raised to get the attention of the children, who by now were standing in two teams. Lowering his voice slightly, he continued, “Now for some ground rules!” Oh, thank god, David wasn’t going to let them all run wild.

“You must stay in sight of the counselor in charge of your team,” Jasper peeked at the paper David was reading off of, reading along in his head with David’s voice, from the way it was worded, Jasper could already tell that he’d looked up most of the guidelines he was setting rather than made them up, thank god, again. The last rule scribbled down at the bottom did catch Jasper’s attention, but he didn’t think too much on it; he probably did this every year as a counselor, “It’s up to you campers to find and identify everything on this list, not the counselor supervising the team!” David paused for a moment, pulling out the stack of papers from underneath his rule list and the two laminated lists, “Everyone on your team has to finish this short activity booklet,” There was a collective groan from the campers, but to all the counselors surprise, nobody made any argument against it, “Don’t eat anything you find, no matter what.” Jasper could’ve sworn that he saw David’s head turn in Space-Neils direction, but passed it off when David looked back down at his list of rules, pausing. His hesitance made the blond wonder if he was actually going to enforce that rule, but his apprehension was quickly put to rest when David continued to state the last rule;

“Most importantly! Stay _away_ from the sleepy pine tree.” He concluded, his smile vanishing for a fleeting moment before he handed half the stack of papers and a laminated sheet to Gwen.

David and Gwen made short conversation looking at the back of one of the laminated lists - where David had put a map of the campgrounds - discussing where each of the two teams would be going on their hikes and hunts. Tuning out of the conversation knowing he’d be able to just follow Davey around, Jasper took this moment to look at how the campers had divided each other; on one team there was Preston, Nerris, Max, Nikki, and Science-Neil. That wasn’t too surprising, and the rest of the campers were on the other team. Knowing David, Jasper could already tell that he’d want to take the team with Max in it.

 

Jasper was relieved to finally set off on this hike. It only took about fifteen minutes of walking alongside David in mostly-quiet before the kids starting doing kid-things, like kicking rocks and dirt as they walked, and occasionally someone would throw a pinecone at either him or David, and David would scold whoever did it while Jasper would exaggerate how startled it made him; he figured high pitched screams and pretending to be extra scared would cover up how easily spooked he really got from the sudden and unexpected feeling of being hit with a pinecone, _and_ it amused the campers! Another fifteen minutes passed, and they were well into the woods by now. David stopped abruptly in his tracks once the group reached a small clearing.

“The search begins here! I only have one list, so you’ll all have to gather in pretty close if you want to see the pictures.” David kneeled down so that all the campers could all huddle in close, looking at the sheet as David listed things off and gave a detailed description of each item on the list. Jasper would have taken the spot standing beside David and trying to read from the same angle as him if Preston and Nerris hadn’t already taken both of David’s sides in an instant. He could read over it later, though.

Once he was done reading about half of what was on the list, all five campers immediately scattered to every corner of the clearing, but nobody went too far off. Jasper was pleased to see that all of their team seemed to be so eager about finding these things, and they all seemed so attentive; turning over every rock to try and find a batch of clovers, or carefully inspecting berries before deciding whether or not they were the right type of berry on the list. He was happy to just watch over them in silence with David, content to hold onto the laminated list and help the occasional camper decide whether or not it was the right type of leaf or flower. It was nice.

Whenever there wasn’t a camper with them, David would make small talk. He’d ask about seemingly anything that came to his mind. From whether or not Jasper had any girlfriends in the past fourteen years to why the campers of their day were never told about how Jasper was saved in that hospital trip, and not dead. All of his questions Jasper would half-heartedly reply to, finding better use of the time he wasn’t needed by a camper to be glancing around at every bush, watching for any movement. Lucky for Jasper, David didn’t seem to question his apprehension about being out in what felt like the middle of nowhere.

 

They stayed in this area for about half an hour, and Jasper felt much more comfortable when their team was all gathered up in front of David again to show off their findings. An hour into this hike, and they had about half of what they were looking for, it made Jasper wonder about Gwen’s teams progress. “To the next spot!” David stood up, spinning around to continue the hike. All the campers were quick to follow, seeing as the one counselor was the only one who really knew where he was going.

Another fifteen minute walk, this time with less pinecones to throw and less performances to amuse the campers with. He still did make the occasional one, though. Because of his near-inability to speak in a hushed tone, he’d caught wind that Preston was a fan of his improvising skills, and he was both flattered and quite amused, mostly the latter. His knees had begun to grow sore by the time they’d reached the next spot that David stopped the group at. Shit.

Jasper immediately took the first chance he could to lay down and rest as David started explaining the landmarks of this area, their significance, and went on his long-winded talks about how amazing nature and whatever was. Jasper was sure that the campers saw it as a waste of time, but he saw this as more time to relax and make a mental note to schedule a chiropractor and a physiotherapy appointment as soon as he had the chance to. He cursed himself for not mentioning that his knees and shoulders have been pretty fucked for the past fourteen years, but he supposed that it’d be over with soon enough.

His eyes shot open and he sat up in the blink of an eye when he felt something lightly nudge his side, letting out a long, relieved sigh and de-tensing when he realized it was just Davey trying to get his attention. “Tired already?” He laughed, sitting on the ground next to him.

“What? No!” Jasper glanced around before laying back down, his forearms behind his head to keep comfortable, closing his eyes again. “Are you trippin’? I’m full of energy!” The irony of Jasper cheerily stating that he wasn’t tired, yet proceeding to lay down and relax in the dirt seemed to get a bit of a kick out of David. Jasper was a little more happy than he should have been about evidently amusing David.

“Sure, Jas.” David poked Jasper’s side. Despite flinching at the unexpected poke, Jasper did laugh quietly at this. He could feel how close David was to him, and without realizing it, Jasper had felt safe enough next to David to manage falling into a dreamless and rather peaceful sleep compared to most other nights.

 

When he woke, it was to David’s voice, trying to be nice about waking him up. He couldn’t feel the ground under him, and it took at least thirty seconds for him to register that he was being held, and twice as long before he realized that he was holding onto David. “We’re back,” The gentle tone of voice he was using was nice, and as embarrassed as Jasper found himself at the fact he’d fallen asleep and that David had decided to _carry him_ the rest of the time they’d been on this hike,  he couldn’t find it in him to actually regret any of it as he let go of David; who in turn made sure Jasper was safely seated at one of the mess hall tables.  
It took Jasper a couple minutes to clue into the discussion about which team had won. Apparently they’d gotten back half an hour later because David being slower carrying Jasper, but Gwen’s team had picked up the wrong type of pinecone or something like that. Needless to say, their team won.

 

Jasper glanced at the time, frowning. That wasn’t right, there was no way that David would have carried him for nearly two hours straight. He rested his head on his arms, perhaps he was too tired to count. While the campers started filling out the booklets that were prepared for them to do, David approached Jasper and sat next to him. Gaining his attention, Jasper lifted his head up to look at David. The way he raised his eyebrows slightly was a non-verbal question that Jasper was certain that David would pick up on, and thankfully, he wasn’t disappointed.

“After this, it’s time for lunch.” David started, pausing for a moment in what Jasper took as thought, it made him a little more attentive in curiosity; it wasn’t often that it was apparent David didn’t know what to say. “I’m about to head off on a walk to where I usually eat my lunch, do you want to come with me?”

Jasper tried to lie to himself, telling himself that he _couldn’t_ feel his insides twist in both the most and the least familiar way possible, he _couldn’t_ feel both a weight put on and a weight taken off his chest in the exact same moment, that he _wasn’t_ suddenly lost at the most chill way to accept the offer. All he could do was offer a sheepish smile and nod his head. Hardly any time had passed, and it was already too late, there was no way Jasper could get out of this situation of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	3. It's probably a squirrel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No service in the woods means there's no way for Jasper to ask his therapist about help in this situation - and like hell he's asking Gwen - so without help, Jasper has to find his own way to sort out his emotions and keep them at bay. He has an idea, but needless to say, it isn't foolproof.

Since the events of the day prior, Jasper had begun to think about David much more than what was probably appropriate, getting a little antsy every time he was anywhere near him, and other little indicators that Jasper had chosen to just accept. Sure, Jasper hadn’t ever gotten _this_ worked up over someone, but he wasn’t completely naive. He knew exactly what he was feeling, he was crushing on David; hell, maybe in love with him, what he didn’t know was how to make the many feelings he got from David go away, or at least die down enough to not distract him from his daily life. There were plenty of feelings aside from just ‘love’ that Jasper felt around David. Safe was the first one that Jasper was able to put a label to - and yes, he’s still embarrassed about how he came to realize it - second, he thought of happy, or positive; if it isn’t obvious how that conclusion was come to, it stems from David’s endless stream of energy and positivity and how much Jasper admired that in him. What use is counting feelings when you’re trying to forget or get rid of them, though?

After yesterday’s win, the first camper that got the opportunity to choose the day's activity was Max (Of _course_ , he's David's favourite. Even if David won't admit to having a favourite), and his plan for the day wasn’t surprising to anyone. Max requested that there would be absolutely no sanctioned activities that day, and to be left alone in his tent when he was in there. He also emphasized the point that David was not allowed near his tent, which certainly amused Jasper and some of the campers quite a bit. After Max had decided on this, Jasper was tasked with making sure every camper had something to do since they weren’t having any full blown activities today. This wasn’t hard to do, and Jasper found a quick end to this little job by letting all the campers just do their own thing, so long as it was safe. Except for Preston, he looked around the most common places to find the theatre camper before giving up; if he was still asleep, Jasper was in no place to bother him. If he wasn’t, then he probably wasn’t in any immediate danger. Jasper just wanted to finish up the task.

With nothing to do, Jasper figured he’d just spend the day around David, trying to get used to countless feelings that impaired his ability to fully function properly when feeling them all at once. The tactic he’d come up with in order to achieve this was simple; he’d ask David to go with him on a walk, and hopefully feel less overwhelmed with anything if his focus could half be on his surroundings. A brilliant plan, even if he knew he was going to have to purposely force himself into an apprehensive state of mind in order to have a chance at success in doing this.

 

It was nice to walk alone with David, to say the least. For the first little while, they walked in a comfortable silence, that  David would occasionally break to stop Jasper and point out a small forest animal. Typically it was either a squirrel or a bunny, but they did come across a couple birds as well. Following pointing it out, David would show off his knowledge and state something interesting about the creature in question, and then they’d go back to walking in silence shortly afterwards. All was going well until Jasper heard a twig snap, and within an instant, his guard was more than just half up and his he heard his neck crack with how quickly he turned to face where the sound had come from; there was nothing.

Clearly, David had heard the sound too. He paused to look in the direction that Jasper was staring so intently at. Jasper wasn’t breathing, and he was as stiff as a rock. It took David a few tugs at his hand to get his focus back on the trail, and even as he began walking with David again, he could still feel his back tense up at the sound of their own footsteps. “It’s probably just a squirrel.” David concluded, and from the tone of his voice, Jasper could very easily tell that David knew exactly what he was worried about; bears. “If you’re scared, we can go back.” He added a few moments later, pausing in his place just as he finished the sentence, waiting for his friend to make the decision of whether or not they would keep walking or start heading back to camp.

It took Jasper a few long moments of collecting his thoughts and thinking of his response before he shook his head no, “No, no. You’re probably right.” He responded shortly after taking a mildly-shakey breath, proceeding to subtly take David’s hand in a similar manner to a child taking his mother's hand to cross the road as he continued walking again. “I’m alright.”

“You sure?” David asked, and Jasper felt blessed when David didn’t press any further on the topic after gaining a short nod of a response from Jasper. He was going to be alright, and he had David’s hand to prove it to himself.

 

It happened again a few minutes later, though rather than a twig, this time it was a rustle in the bushes. It wasn’t loud, but the amount of movement Jasper could see in the corner of his eye for that brief moment was enough for him to grip David’s hand a little tighter and start walking a little faster. It was probably something small, like a badger, maybe a skunk, but Jasper certainly wasn’t going to stick around to find out. Thankfully, David didn’t make any argument about this.

Fifteen minutes of silence passed, and by now Jasper had slowed down quite a bit, and his grip on David’s hand was weak, more or less just to comfort himself in the knowledge that David was still next to him without having to keep glancing over at him. Without noticing it, Jasper had led the two to one of the clearings they had gone on their hike the previous day, the one he’d fallen asleep at. He let go of David’s hand there, sitting down and leaning against a tree. “We should take a break.” He stated simply, and David sat next to him.

“Sounds like a plan!” David pulled a granola bar from his pocket. “Hey, why’d you even take me out here?” He asked, looking up at Jasper from his unopened snack.

“I..” Jasper pulled his knees up so that he could rest his arms on them, unsure of how to respond to the question exactly, because there was no way he could tell him his initial plan. “I don’t really know, actually.” He shrugged, chuckling nervously.

David nodded, and just as he was about to pull his snack open, there was a shriek, and Jasper was latched onto David before even _Jasper_ could process the speed of his movements. Both Jasper and David wore borderline mortified expressions for a brief moment before Preston came out of the bush, thus earning a relieved sigh from both counselors.

 

“I _love_ it!” Jasper flinched as Preston started talking, taking a moment to adjust to his louder volume compared to the tone he and David spoke in for the past hour or so. “Holding back on a confession of feelings, only to grab onto your love in a moment of need,” The way Preston read into things was enough to make David laugh, but also enough to make Jasper’s face turn red as he let go of David, scooting over to put some space between them.

“It’s not like that-” David started, but Preston only seemed to get even more worked up at the prospect of ignorance. Oh dear god, as much as he liked Preston as a camper, at this moment he desperately wanted him to leave.

“Although, it isn’t perfect!” Preston went on, staring at David as Jasper hid his face in his hands, beyond embarrassed by the whole situation. “David, you should have been holding his hand back as you feign ignorance to the real reasoning behind-”

“But I know why he was holding my hand,” David cut him off, perhaps trying to reason with Preston. Jasper was thankful that David seemed more than ready to use Jasper’s anxiety about the forest to be why he was holding onto him - and he wasn’t wrong, but of course, it wasn’t the whole truth. Of course Jasper wanted to hold David’s hand, and it was hard to believe that David couldn’t see what was going on in Jasper; how obvious it was that he favoured being around David over being around Gwen, or how flustered he had gotten over little things David had done for him. For goodness sake, he couldn’t even bring himself to verbally give David a response when asked to eat lunch with him. Was David truly that innocent? “He was scared because of something that happened when we were campers here at Camp Campbell.” Hearing David defend Jasper’s actions made his shoulders relax a little, but his face was still burning.

Part of the relaxation came from the how sure he was about his assumptions in the statement, and how obvious it was from it that the things David shouldn’t know, David didn’t know, or at least Jasper thought it was pretty transparent. From the campers lack of response and the look on his face, it was apparent that Preston was on the same train of thought about David being completely tripping. What David didn’t know was that Jasper would have been fine just walking next to him and that he didn’t actually have to be holding his hand to feel safe enough on this walk. He didn’t know that Jasper wanted to spend time with him, to be able to convince himself that he could only feel strong best-friendship towards David.

Jasper gave Preston the best ‘please do not press on this’ look he could muster, hoping with every inch of his being that the pre-teen would pick up on it and humour him. Surely, a child his age could figure out that Jasper was _not_ about to confess shit today. To his dismay, Preston went on yell-talking, “But surely, it isn't _just_ that!”

Jasper stood up and put a hand behind Preston’s head, starting to lead the way before he even started talking, “I think it’s high time we got you back to camp! Does Gwen know you’re gone?” His voice was raised ever so slightly to keep it from shaking from how nervous he was about the situation. As soon as Preston started walking, he made a gesture in David’s direction, implying that he should come along. So much for a learn-to-keep-emotions-at-bay-around-David walk.

Once they got back to camp, Preston was immediately off their backs, but Jasper couldn’t even look at David without the type of embarrassment that made one’s upper back, neck, and face burn unbearably. It was barely noon and Jasper already knew that he’d be losing sleep over David, despite the thought of David being what put him into a nice sleep the night prior.

Aside from the occasional thought about David, the rest of the day went smoothly. Jasper made short work of checking up on all the campers, and the only thing that had really changed since that morning was that this time, Preston had distracted himself with play-writing, rather than being hidden off somewhere.

Once he was done double-checking up on all the campers, he opted to go paint with Dolph for some time. He wasn’t particularly fond of the German camper, rather he was a tad intimidated by the vibes the child gave off, but painting was something he figured he could just sit down and do without any more of the physical labour of walking. At this point after all the walking he’d already done today, walking was something that made his knees sore and shakey over the course of only a couple minutes after standing up. He needed a break from all of it or they were going to give out; and that certainly wouldn’t look good in front of anyone, campers and counselors alike. To the campers, he may look weak, and as of being the tallest counselor, he was automatically seen as pretty tough and ready to protect, but that was the least of his worries. On the other hand, he had no idea how the other two counselors would respond if they found out that Jasper was hiding the fact his knees, shoulders and neck were kinda, _just a little_ , permanently _fucked_.

 

He may have been saved on the day he got these injuries, but there wasn’t anyone here to save him from the handful of situations he was in now.


	4. Definitely not a squirrel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David is a man who stays true to his word, so when it's Neil's turn to pick the days activity and Camp Campbell doesn't have what the camper needs, they go into town to get what's required for whatever Neil has in mind. To pass the time, Jasper tells a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another long chapter, this time i hit over 3600 words! even though my typical goal is around 2000 (I will not post a chapter less than 2000 words, that's my personal rule)! as always, it's unedited, BUT i did run through it with grammarly so there will probably be a lot fewer errors than usual.

Day two, Neil wanted new science equipment for obvious reasons. It was a shame that nobody - cough, Gwen, the sane one who thinks shit through - set some rules for what the campers got to pick for activities. Neil’s idea of an activity was ‘drive me out to town and buy me some proper science stuff’, and so the counselors had no choice but to comply if they wanted the kids to think of them as trustworthy and people who live up to their word.

Gwen stayed behind at the camp to keep things in order, while David drove and Jasper, Max and Nikki tagged along on the ride out of camp and into town. It was a long drive, and to pass the time, what’s a better idea than storytelling? Because David was driving, Jasper insisted on being the one to tell a story and noticing the badge that David still kept from when he was a camper, Jasper had the perfect idea for a story.

**(flashback - jasper)**

“What a load of _shit!_ ” Davey’s voice was loud and clear, had there been walls around them, it surely would have echoed for at least few seconds. At least that’s what Jasper thought as he recalled the moment. Cameron was confused about the sudden objection to the results of this activity, but it cleared up almost instantly and he seemed pretty bored after he realized it was just Davey acting up again. The counselors looked shocked for a moment too, but they quickly proceeded to hide their disappointment in Davey’s efforts to spoil the activity. “Who cares about going out into the woods to get closer to fucking _nature_ anyway?” He went on, crossing his arms tight over his chest as he spoke.

“Woah, watch the language there, Davey,” Cameron warned him, but the warning was probably only to make himself look like an adult, honestly. Jasper wasn’t quite sure, but thinking back on it, it was probably really hypocritical; like any adult telling a child not to curse. Predictably, this only earned an eye-roll and a loud, exaggerated sigh from Davey.

“You have so much potential, David!” Gregg tried, and even if Jasper wasn’t Gregg’s biggest fan, he had to concur with him. “If only you’d try to apply yourself!” The counselor went on, his arms moving to emphasize his point.

“Yeah, Davey!” Jasper was quick to express his endorsement of the counselor's thoughts as soon as he was done talking, “If you tried, you could be as good a camper as me, Jasper, the best camper!” He hadn’t meant it to sound as self-centred as it did, but it did get his point across.

Davey looked quite dismayed with all the sudden effort that was being made to make him change on a whim. He only frowned deeper at everyone, if that was even possible. “There’s more to life than camping, Jasper.” Davey’s arms dropped to his sides, and then to make a rectangle with his fingers. “Stop being a complete fucking _square_ .” The insult hurt, but Jasper was too used to foul and offensive language coming from the fellow camper to be surprised or hurt enough to start crying over it, even if it wasn’t often that Jasper of all people would get insulted by him.

“Davey, what’s your problem?” Jasper asked, and again with using the wrong tones by mistake. He didn’t want to insult Davey, he just wanted to know what was _so_ wrong that he _had_ to go interrupting Jasper’s big day and start a scene, taking them off the topic of Jasper getting to go on a fun hike with Mr Campbell and earn a title he could talk about to his parents.

Even the counselors were shocked to see Jasper insulted and glared at in the manner Davey had gone with, but Jasper’s favourite - Darla - was quick to put a positive spin on this whole situation. “I have an idea!” She started, and Jasper could hear her getting more excited about the notion she had in mind with every word. “Why don’t we have Davey join you and Jasper on the trek, too!” Jasper knew that Darla was trying to help, and he couldn’t help but wonder if part of the idea came from how much Jasper used to confide in her about his efforts to befriend the snide camper. The idea pleased Jasper much more than it seemed to please Davey, but surprisingly, he made no argument against it.

“Great idea, Darla!” Gregg seemed proud of his co-counselor for having such a notion come to mind, and the expression on his face showed off that he genuinely believed that her idea could work, “That would definitely get Davey in the camping spirit!” Jasper could feel himself getting more excited about the walk every second, he wanted Davey to see how beautiful nature could be just as much as anyone else. Cameron hesitated, but after a moment gave in with the rule that any legal fees would come out of Gregg’s paycheck (and Jasper would never admit, but he was glad that it came out of his rather than Darla’s). This disappointed Gregg, but he didn’t back down.

There was a lot of walking in obvious circles, to say the least. Every once in awhile, Jasper would wonder if Cameron was lost without all his equipment, but brushed off the thought when he saw how confident he looked despite crossing the same places over, and over, and over. While walking, Jasper attempted to make small-talk with Davey. Occasionally, asking what he thought of the walk, or point out a plant he thought looked cool.

“It’s a good thing this trail is pretty grassy, my shoes aren’t getting too dirty.” Jasper gestured down at his feet, “Look! They light up!” He jumped in his step, and a dull blue light illuminated from the heels of them. Davey looked interested for a brief moment before tightening his arms over his chest as any and all traces of interest disappeared before Jasper could be sure it was ever there. “Well, they’re brighter in the dark.”

“Whatever.” Davey rolled his eyes, unamused. He looked up towards the leader they’d unquestionably been following around this whole time, raising his voice significantly compared to the quiet pout he’d directed towards Jasper’s shoes, “Do you even know where we’re going?” he snapped at Cameron, who stopped walking sudden enough for Jasper to walk right into him before realizing he’d stopped.

“Of course I do! I recognize this place.” Cameron went on, and as Jasper shook his head and looked around the area that Cameron claimed to recognize; he noticed the tree they’d been looking for the whole time. Had they really walked past it this many times? Well, it didn’t matter now.

“That’s because we’ve walked through it a hundred times! At least!” Davey went on, exaggerating as his tone just expressed his mood fouling even more than it already had been. Jasper walked towards the tree, pushing bushes out of his way to do so.

“Wait, guys! It’s the sleepy pine, in all its sleepy glory!” Jasper beamed, excited about his findings. Now all he had to do was get a branch and they’d be done! He’d be able to go back to camp and talk to the other campers who actually made efforts to be his friend. Even if he just wanted to get through to Davey. “Looks like we’ve done it after a-” His ‘all’ turned into a scream shortly after, and his lucky quick-thinking landed his proof as a tree hugger, except this time, his life depended on hugging a tree as he was dangling over a fall he couldn’t see the bottom of or where he’d land.

“Jasper, oh no!” Jasper was relieved to see Davey come to his aid, rather than try to play it cool. Maybe he did want to be friends, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that David was laying down on the edge of the cliff, reaching out to try and pull Jasper back up, “I’ll save you, Jasper!” He looked so desperate to save his fellow-camper, and Jasper was desperate to be saved. It took him a minute to gain the confidence in himself to let go of the tree with one hand, to try and grab onto Davey, but the confidence got to his head shortly after as he got a little too worked up focusing on reaching Davey that when his other arm shifted, the pain of a rather sharp piece of wood piercing his inner-forearm made him flinch, causing him to let go of the tree.

Jasper made his efforts to get as close to the cliff as he was falling, trying to grip onto anything that might save his life. While he wasn’t able to hold onto anything, he did manage to slow his fall down enough to not die on impact. He was sure he broke at least half of his fingers, though. Once he got to the bottom, he was so relieved about not dying that it was impossible to think before his voice thought for him, “Guys! I’m not dead!” He called out, and the closeness of the canyon walls caused his voice to echo much more than he expected. Maybe that’s how his message got to them, shortly after this, he heard a voice calling back to him. Davey telling him that they were going to come find him, and not to worry.

With this, Jasper made his best efforts to find the nearest landmark he could. Something that would make it easier for Davey and Cameron to find him. In this attempt, his knees gave out multiple times, and his shoulders only got more sore with every time he had to catch himself and push himself up from the cold, stone floor. His ankle felt broken, and it was twisted in a weird way, but Jasper tried not to worry about it.

Maybe he was lying, maybe he wasn’t, he had no way of telling at the time, but he kept telling himself that it was going to be okay. Once he found the pond, he immediately took his shoes and socks off to soak everything under his knees in the water, hoping the cool water would numb, or at least dull, the pain of his fall wounds. Thankfully, it did the trick, and the water was clear of leeches. Jasper spent the time waiting for them to find him watching minnows and small fish in the pond, losing track of time.

It was just starting to get dark by the time he heard rustling in the bush, and in his excitement, he jumped to his numbed feet and made his way over to the sounds. Finally! Davey and Cameron were here to take him back to camp! They’d be able to tend to his wounds there, and he’d be okay. His initial plan was to surprise them by standing right in front of them when they came out of the bush, but Jasper was the one who ended up shocked when he came face-to-face with a bear.

So shocked, in fact, that he couldn’t bring himself to do more than silently gasp as he was knocked down by the bear. The new pain in his chest was excruciating, and it took everything in Jasper not to curl up into a ball around it, to hold himself. He stayed completely still as the large mammal pressed its nose into different parts of Jasper’s body, sniffing his wounds. Jasper didn’t realize until it had left him that there were deep bite-marks in his numbed legs, perhaps the bear thought he was dead when he didn’t do so much as flinch at being bitten? It was a rather good guess, especially considering that he must’ve been rather cold.

Playing dead really does help with bears apparently, doesn’t it? Either way, as soon as it was gone, Jasper grabbed his shoes and did the best he could to get to a higher place where bears couldn’t get him. It hurt, it hurt a lot. Climbing a tree like this was probably the worst possible idea, but Jasper couldn’t think of any other ways to keep himself safe. Once another bear came into the clearing, followed by a second, Jasper couldn’t bring himself to regret climbing the tree in question. He could see the bears just fine, but they couldn’t see him. The pain in his legs resurfaced as they began to warm up enough for the blond to be able to feel them again, and his chest was hardly helping. Soon enough, the bears noticed him there, and Jasper began to cry out of fear as they made failing attempts to climb the tree. If they managed to do it, he was boned.

He knew well that grizzly bears could climb trees, but the tree in question was quite thin and had many branches, so he hoped that he’d be safe because of how difficult it would be for a bear that size to climb and navigate the small spaces between how much space was between each branch, and it was well alive and it’s branches were strong enough to hold Jasper’s light weight and be difficult for a bear to break them out of its way. Once one managed to get the hang of it, Jasper immediately made efforts to climb higher and threw any piece of bark that he could break off at the creature's eyes, hoping to either stall it long enough for Cameron and Davey to find him or make it move on to an easier target. He had managed to make it slip down a few times with the strength he put into the throws that didn’t miss, and he was lucky in that much considering that he wasn’t very cut out for quick climbing in his current physical state. A few times, the bears tried to shake him out of the tree, thus causing Jasper to scream and hug the tree with everything he had, pressing his chest against the trunk even if the feeling of his open wounds being touched stung more than he could possibly put into words.

The bears were stubborn, and it was obvious that they were hungry, maybe even starving. Nothing comes between a hungry bear and its dinner. While the bears sat and stared up at Jasper for a bit, the child wasted no time. He pulled off pinecones, pieces of bark and small sticks from the tree with whatever fingers it didn’t cause searing pains to use, and broke them into pieces small enough to fit into his pockets, but large enough to make them at least a bit painful should he have to start throwing stuff at the bears faces again. Once he couldn’t fit anything more into his pockets, he stared back down, trying to figure out what angles would be easiest to throw his collections from, and briefly looked upwards, pondering on climbing any higher.

While climbing higher might give him more advantage, Jasper considered that he might get stuck should Davey and Cameron come by, and how the top of the tree might be weaker than the rest of the tree and easier to shake him out of if the bears tried that method again, plus where he was now, the branches stretched out far enough to catch him if he slipped, whereas up higher, the branches would be weaker and not go out as far as where he was now. He also considered that from where he was, he could get used to how the branches were positioned and adapt to throwing from this space, and that maybe if he started moving, the bears would try climbing up to him again. He didn’t want that. Ultimately he decided that this was a decent and safe enough spot for him to stay.

Despite how safe he found himself here and his plans on how to stay safe, tears did not stop flowing from his eyes. With every passing hour, Jasper wondered more deeply if his other two hiking buddies would ever find him. With every pinecone he had to throw whenever one of the two bears decided to make another attempt to climb, he found himself more worried about how hopeless his situation was. There was a few points where he even considered climbing down the tree and letting the bears just finish him off; but he never went through with it, he held onto the hope that it would just be a few more minutes, he held onto it like he should’ve held onto the sleepy pine tree until Cameron could’ve just pulled him back up.

Hours passed, and at one point Jasper had carefully positioned himself so he could wrap his legs around the tree and take both his shirts off. Placing his purple flannel between his legs, he put the orange Camp Campbell uniform shirt back on, but backwards in an effort to cover up the large, rather deep gashes on his chest, hopefully protecting them from getting infected if they weren’t already. Next, he undid the sleeves on his flannel to fall down the whole length of his arm and a little more, pulling it on and buttoning it up once again for hopefully a little more warmth with his arms covered. Plus, in doing this he got another pocket. Even if it was small, the little pocket on his chest was another pocket he could use for his throwing materials. Jasper was getting tired, but he knew better than to try and get any rest at all. He had to stay alert at least until the bears left.

It wasn’t until it was far after dark that Jasper could hear Davey’s voice calling him, and he panicked a little when he realized they likely wouldn’t know about the bears until it was too late - or, they wouldn’t without a warning, anyways. “I’m here!” He called back, his voice shaking with the effort he had to put into using it, “But you have to be careful, there’s bears!” Jasper had never felt a relief as great as being able to watch firsthand as Cameron Campbell took care of his bear issue and got him down from the tree. Mr Campbell picked up both bears, obviously pleased with himself and intending to bring them back to camp, but Jasper couldn’t keep himself awake anymore, and every step he took was a large toll on his knees, he couldn’t bear the pain anymore and passed out. When he next woke, it was in a hospital bed with stitches and a few casts.

Jasper was happy to see Davey at his side in the hospital. Even if he looked guilty, he didn’t look like he didn’t want to be there. Later on he learned that Davey carried him to camp, forced his way into the ambulance ride, and refused to leave Jasper’s side until he was at least awake in the hospital bed. After that, Jasper was there to help Davey insist that he got to stick around because it made him feel safer to have a familiar face in the bright hospital room with him.

When Jasper was allowed to return to camp, he was stripped of his best camper title and award because he had brought his light-up shoes on the trek. While it was perfectly understandable considering those were the rules, he was quite disappointed with it, especially with everything he went through on that trip, but he was at least happy to see that Davey did get to start enjoying the camp. Even if Jasper realized how fucked up Camp Campbell and its founder was, and still is.

**(end flashback)**

“Weren't you super protective over me for the rest of our time at camp, Davey?” Jasper joked as he brought his story to a close, and from the shade of red that David’s face lit up in, it was obvious that David could remember that part. With a cough, Jasper heightened his voice, and did his best to mimic the accent of Mickey Mouse, “Now listen up you hooey loving fucks,” He had to try not to laugh, “If any of you-”

“Shut up,” David cut him off, and Jasper could’ve sworn he heard one or two of the kids snicker at David’s reaction.

“Did you like the story? It’s like, based on truth.” Jasper asked, even though he asked while looking back at the kids in the back seat, the second part of it was directed at David. Jasper had heard from a few of the campers that David had told the same story in the past, but some of the details were very different from what had actually happened. Jasper could understand the censoring, but the rest of it was pretty unrealistic. Had Jasper actually been in a bear cave, he would’ve died long before the bears went to sleep.

Before any of the campers could answer, David pulled into a parking space and abruptly cut off anyone who might have been about to speak, “We’re here!” He spoke in a loud volume as if he didn’t want to hear any of the campers point out the differences in the two stories they’d been told. It was cute and painfully reminded Jasper of his own current situation.

Oh well, Jasper could ask the question again on the way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus: the tree i imagined jasper climbing into is called the [eastern white pine tree](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/90/48/cc/9048ccb0cbe033f2f4a17c7bfc53493d.jpg) in case you were wondering! I thought he'd make it to around the middle point of the tree before deciding not to go any higher.
> 
> to keep you on your toes until the next chapter, i'll tell you that jasper realizes some things that "define" david, and preston **really** likes jasper (as a counselor).


	5. Situation "don't mind"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preston really appreciates Jasper as a counselor, admiring his skill in improvising exaggerated actions in particular. In an attempt to show off how much he really liked Jasper going that extra length to put on little performances on the hike, he unsurprisingly uses his prize day of activity planning for a play. A play written and directed by himself, with terrible scripts and even worse actors, Preston puts on a play based on a story that by now, every camper is sure to have heard the details of.

_“Why this?”_ Jasper whispered to himself, rubbing his head as he sat up in the cheap counselor-cabin bed. It was only still early in the morning, Jasper had woken up an hour or so before his phone's alarm for reasons that shouldn’t need explaining at this point; nightmares. In an effort to get his mind off the intensity of the flashbacks he was getting, he took out some papers and wrote down the entirety of how he expected the day to go. Multiple times. Occasionally he’d take a small break just to breathe, but do his best not to clear his mind of what he was doing.

It was Preston’s day to pick an activity, so Jasper guessed it would have something to do with theatre. He predicted that for the entirety of the play, he’d just get to sit around doing nothing with his co-counselors and whichever campers weren’t participating in the acting parts. He’d gotten so hyper-focused on his planning for exactly how the day would go down that when David put a hand on his shoulder and prepared to say something, well, a small disaster struck.

Jasper shot up from his chair making a loud, indescribable, noise of surprise, effectively pushing said chair back into David, who yelped and stumbled backwards across the small cabin in an attempt not to fall, only to end up tripping back over Gwen’s bed and waking her up as he landed on her. Gwen’s initial reaction to the sudden noise and David falling on her was to sit up at the speed of light, instinctively shoving David off the bed.

“I am _so_ sorry-” Jasper started after about thirty seconds, though in hindsight, it was… Pretty funny, really. David just sat up, smiling.

“Well! Good morning to you, too!”

His guesses were correct, for the third day, Preston had insisted on putting on a play for the counselors. Claiming to have written an entire play over the past few days, a play inspired by Jasper. It was flattering, flustering, and foreboding, he wasn’t sure what to think, especially after his insistence the other day about some deeper meaning behind Jasper and David’s little walk. However, they weren’t able to start until at least one or two in the afternoon because Preston had suddenly become indecisive of who he wanted to act which part, and when he did decide on these things, the actors chosen did need some time to go over their lines; yes, they were allowed the scripts on stage, but Preston insisted they be able to project their voices and speak confidently, and they couldn’t do either of those things if they were just reading off the paper for the first time.

“Okay campers!” David stood on the stage, making failing attempts to hush the audience of children and Jasper. It wasn’t until Gwen came to his aid that the campers shut up and David could hop down from the stage. Jasper pats the spot next to himself, offering David a seat.

Preston took David’s place on the stage shortly after he’d left it, and wasted no time getting started as soon as he had everyone’s attention. “Tonight's production is written and directed by me, of course! A tale of friendship and love, based off a true story, so without further adieu, I present to you! My ticket to Broadway!” Oh, dear god. The play hadn’t even started, and Jasper didn’t think he could be more embarrassed.

**(play)**

Max stood on the stage, he looked uncomfortable in the bright purple shirt he was obviously forced into wearing without his sweater. Jasper found it quite obvious that Max was supposed to be playing as him, despite the fact he’d probably make a much better Davey. _Perhaps he refused the role? After all, he isn’t too fond of David…_ Nurf stood next to him, looking a little anxious in his role. His costume consisted of a white wig with hair slicked back, so Jasper assumed that he was playing the role of Cameron, which was confirmed only moments later. “Today we’ve gathered to honour the best camper, Jasper. We’re going to go on a walk and get a stick.”   
Meredith and Nerris walked onto the stage, wearing counselor uniforms that, based on the shape, Jasper could guess were stolen from Gwen. Ered was holding a stick that had probably just been picked up last second, she handed it to Max.

“Wow, I’m the best camper, I completely expected this.” His sarcastic tone of voice indicated that he really wasn’t into the role, but that made the act a little less embarrassing for Jasper, and a lot more amusing. He could almost hear Preston fussing about it from backstage, though.

From backstage, there was Space-Neil’s voice; “Uhh. This is hooey!” At least he was trying. He walked onto the stage and dropped his script in front of Max.

Meredith and Nurf actually gasped and had a fairly convincing taken aback look, but Max just rolled his eyes. “Gasp! Oh no, it’s David. The troublemaker out to ruin my big day.” The never-ending snide tones he used caused Jasper to let out a quiet laugh, so far he had to admit, the play was pretty darn accurate for kids who hadn’t even been there.

“Not Davey!” Nerris shook, falling to her knees in some extra dramatics. “He’s such a troublemaker!”

“He’s _so_ uncool.” Ered crossed her arms, and once again, Jasper could almost hear Preston’s fussiness over his actors breaking character.

“That’s right,” Space Kid had to pause and pick up his script again to continue reading his un-memorized lines off the papers, “It’s me, Davey. Mother nature can make me a sandwich.” Glancing over at David, Jasper could see that he looked a little flustered by this, but he also looked as if he was holding back laughter. The thought of David enjoying the play pleased Jasper, even though he should have expected it. After all, his enthusiasm and optimism are some things that practically define him.

“Why don’t we like, make Davey go on the hike too?” Ered suggested, and Nerris stood up beside her, it only just occurred to Jasper that they were supposed to be playing as Darla and Gregg.

“That’s a wonderful idea, he’ll definitely like camping after that!” Nerris encouraged.

“Fine, but if he gets hurt you have to pay, Gregg.” Everyone walked off stage, and Preston walked onto the stage.

_“That’s the end of part one! Intermission time! Go get some snacks!”_

Preston's voice was loud and demanding enough for the campers to listen to him, but on the other hand, Jasper nor David got up to do so, while the rest of the campers did. Jasper nudged David with his elbow, “Aren’t you going to go ask the trees to make you a sandwich? Maybe the Lorax will comply.” Jasper laughed as he spoke, effectively getting a laugh out of his friend, too.   

“I’ll be fine-”

“You sure? Or are _you_ the Lorax? Totally short enough to be it, dude… How could you hide this from me?”

“I’m only a few inches shorter than you!” David gave him a friendly push, and the two proceeded to make jokes about the Lorax and mother nature and the like until the campers were once again seated and Preston was back on the stage, declaring the start of part two.

* * *

In the intermission time, Preston, Gwen and probably some other campers had managed to get a large box onto the set, which allowed for a big step about Max’s height, and Jasper already knew what it was for before they even got to that part of the play.

“Are we lost?” Space Kid asked Nurf as the trio walked onto the stage, although there was far from enough aggression in his tone of voice for him to pass off as an in-character Davey.

“Of course not!” Nurf replied, and they all stopped in the middle of the higher box. Max started walking towards the edge.

“Oh look, it’s the tree we’ve walked by ten times. Let’s get a branch.” Max jumped down onto the actual stage and put a hand on what was supposed to represent a cliff's edge, “Oh no, I’ve fallen. Davey help me.” As Space Kid ran over to Max, he let go of the edge and laid down.

“He’s dead.” Space Kid looked like he was about to fake-cry, but Max sat up a minute later.

“Wait, no, I’m alive.” Max brushed dirt, dust and whatever else was on that stage off the shirt where it had touched the ground. “Come save me or whatever.” Suddenly, Nikki jumped out from side-stage making dog-noises and started to drag Max away; who gave a simple, unenthusiastic “ahh.” Before they could make it back to the edge of the stage, Nurf hopped down and ran over to Nikki, quickly picking her up.

“Campers, run, I’ll hold her off.” Nurf was all in his role for this part, sorta. He may not have fit Cameron Campbell's character, but he certainly was in some character that was probably a much better person than Cameron. Space Kid proceeded to drag Max off stage by the wrists, and the curtains closed.

**(end play)**

“Thank you, thank you!” Preston came onto the stage with the face of someone who wanted to apologize, but the expression quickly changed as he evidently became pleased by the positive response to his play. Clearly, there was nothing to apologize for, the play was great. Jasper was the first to start clapping, followed immediately by David, and given a few moments, the rest of the campers and the Quartermaster (sort-of) in the audience clapped quietly.

After cleaning up the stage and putting all the costumes away, the campers were allowed to just do whatever they wanted, as Preston didn’t really have any more jobs involving theatre for them. Jasper took this as an opportunity to spend time around David, he didn’t really have an excuse this time, though. After what happened last time, going on another walk with him out of the question, at least that’s how Jasper saw it. Besides, Jasper didn’t think it was very likely that David would even want to go on a walk with him.

His intentions were clear to anyone who spared so much as a glance in their direction; Jasper was simply going to follow David around like a lost puppy, content to be in his presence. David didn’t seem to mind, which was nice. The whole following him around thing lasted all the way until the campers were all asleep in their tents, and the counselors could finally have _actual_ free-time where they weren’t obligated to be supervising the children.

The three of them spent this time watching television in the counselors cabin, but Jasper’s thoughts were far from whatever it was that David and Gwen were watching. Rather, it took a good amount of willpower for him to not just stare at David as he thought of him. Occasionally he did glance at him, and he thought about all the reasons he actually fell for David so quickly and so easily compared to anyone else he’s ever even questioned his feelings towards.

David always seemed happy, enthusiastic, positive, optimistic, kind, rather soft, and all other synonyms of those words, and those were just describing what primarily defined his personality, he was also able to calm down and be mature when it was needed, even if that wasn’t often. Not to mention, he made Jasper feel safer than he could ever have hoped for at this poor excuse of a summer camp. It made Jasper realize he didn’t really mind having feelings for his friend, even if he didn’t believe them to be requited feelings, especially knowing that he couldn’t get out of the situation. Before he knew it, he’d fallen asleep on one of the chairs in front of the television while ‘watching’ it with David and Gwen.

Once again, the thought of David lulled him into a dreamless sleep. Which, even if he would’ve liked to have had a nice dream, it was better than nightmares by a long shot.


	6. Love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Nikki's day to pick an activity. Knowing her, Jasper knew from the start of the day that he'd end up in the forest and that the real PTSD-induced panic attack he'd been expecting to have would ensue during his participation in the activity. It could be said that one situation helps him find the strength to work through another, but not without creating _another_ situation within his current one; the realization of how big a contradiction he's becoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter, i tried to use more paragraph breaks than my usual line breaks! someone suggested this but i can't remember which chapter it was on or what their username was for the life of me ;; thank you, though!  
> sorry for the late update btw! i was gonna write this on thursday/friday but my stepdad got arrested for physically assulting me and i've been rather unstable since! but i'm getting a lot better, my house has been a l o t more comfortable to live in since, and he isn't allowed back into my house until he gets help.

Waking up in bed was more of a relief than a surprise to Jasper, really. He didn’t know who did it, but he was happy that  _ someone _ made the effort to carry him to bed last night, especially knowing that none other than Nikki would end up picking today's activities and the thought of waking up in a chair with all his joints aching was not a pleasant one. Jasper spent as much time in the counselor's cabin mentally preparing for the day, knowing full well that Nikki’s activity would be out in the forest, and he wouldn’t be able to follow David around like a lost puppy in the forest like he had many other times.

 

He was right, very right. In the same second he stepped out of the counselor's cabin, Nikki was on his shoulders (Somehow, don’t ask me how  _ that _ happened, you know Nikki), demanding they go find cool animals. Jasper reached up, prying Nikki off himself and setting her on the ground with a pat on her head. “Of course! Just wait until Davey gives the go-ahead.” Or something like that, Jasper just wanted an excuse not to give anyone permission to go out into the forest yet. Any procrastination is good procrastination.

“But aren’t you one of the counselors, too?” Nikki frowned, and Jasper felt… Called out, to say the least. 

“Well, yes!” Jasper laughed nervously, continuing on to lie; “But David’s more in charge than me.” Despite the fact all the counselors equally shared their ‘in charge’-ness below Cameron. At least it got Nikki to bug off, now to find David.

 

He found David where he expected him and Gwen to be; the mess hall. Nikki was already talking to David, and even from across the room Jasper could see how excited she was to go ‘find cool animals’ by her body language; extremely bouncy. Approaching them, Jasper could more clearly see the nervous expression David wore as Nikki explained her idea for today; “And we’ll raise an army of-” She stopped when Jasper stopped behind her, obviously noticing his presence.

 

“Jasper!” David started, standing up to talk to Jasper on his level, rather than Nikki’s. He still had that nervous aura, and it in turn made Jasper a little nervous. Just a little. David put a hand on Jasper’s shoulder, and the olive-blond could already tell that it was supposed to be slightly reassuring, “Today Nikki here,” He tilted his head slightly in gesture towards her, “Has decided that she wants everyone to go out into the forest and find an animal to take back to camp,” Jasper already knew that much, but David’s attempts to keep him calm before the activity started were working, for the most part. His tone was his usual cheery-tone, and his smile wasn’t forced. Nervous, but not forced, “Now, I can’t force you to participate, I know that sometimes the forest can be a little sc-”

“It’ll be fine, David.” Jasper cut him off, forcing an unconvincing smile as he crossed his arms. All he had to do was bring back an animal, right? It shouldn’t be  _ too _ difficult, it’d be quick and easy to just bring back the first little thing he saw. _ No big deal _ .

 

David looked taken aback for a brief moment, obviously not expecting Jasper to respond like that, “You sure?” He asked, speaking slowly in a suspicious-manner. Jasper shouldn’t have expected to not be questioned about it. He nodded, fast-paced and more than just a few nods. David still only seemed half-convinced, “Alright, then!” The concern that David evidently had for him and his discomfort with being in the forest alone was flattering to Jasper, and it made him want to melt where he stood. He liked knowing that David seemed to understand that Jasper was no good with the outdoors anymore, but he didn’t want him to worry. It wasn’t as bad a situation as the whole romantic feelings situation, rather it was nice knowing that David worried, he just didn’t want him to. 

 

Because he loves David, but he can’t say that part out loud, so he’d just have to prove he’d be alright. That David didn’t have to worry.

 

David explained the activity to the rest of the campers, and it was more than obvious that nobody - except Nikki - really wanted to do something like this. “We could get sick and die if we get bit.” Neil pointed out, and Jasper looked over towards Gwen and David, wondering if they’d cancel the activity in favour of the campers safeties, except Nikki; somehow, everyone mutually agreed that she’d probably never get seriously hurt if she could communicate with animals in the impressive way she did. When they didn’t respond immediately, Jasper nodded.

“He’s got a point.” Jasper reasoned, one of his crossed arms coming up in a half-shrug, with his palm facing the ceiling. “There are all sorts of things like rabies, and general injuries, kids could get..” He wanted to seem like an adult, and not like he was mostly agreeing with the kid in order to get all the campers out of this activity. “Not to mention whatever happens if you just touch a wild animal.”

 

When Jasper next looked over at David, he had a box of gloves and had started handing them out with Gwen. Not just those plastic ones, though, they were plastic and they went all the way up to the campers elbows. They definitely were not enough for actual, full, safety, but knowing Camp Campbell’s supplies and the counselor's wage limits - especially after yesterday - it would have to do, and they’d just have to hope that no campers would have to be driven off to the hospital after this. “Don’t touch anything that breathes without these on,” Gwen ordered, her loud, stern voice hopefully getting to the campers in a way to prompt them to remember not to take off the gloves.

 

“Remember!” David flung himself in front of the door before anyone could even think of leaving, “Stay away from the sleepy pine tree!” Before Jasper could even start to question why David seemed to be so insistent about this again, despite being fairly sure of the answer, David had opened the doors and was already on his way out towards the forest, followed by the stream of campers following him, before slinking off in their own directions.

 

Before deciding on a direction for himself to take, Jasper watched what way the campers decided to go, figuring that this would be useful should any of them not come back in time. Harrison, Nerris and Preston headed towards the lake before splitting up in different directions at the docks, Neil, Nikki and Max headed towards the forest behind the mess hall and between the activities field and amphitheatre; knowing those three, Jasper opted not to worry about them too much, Ered was heading towards the quartermaster store, Nurf and Dolph towards the left of the activities field before splitting up right before leaving Jasper’s line of sight, and Space-Neil was headed in the same direction David went: towards the tent-area. Gwen wasn’t participating, and the Quartermaster had disappeared before Jasper had a chance to see what way he went. Easy enough to remember with the visuals.

 

Because Nikki wanted everyone to find their own creature to bring back to camp, there was going to be no groups, everyone was going to go off on their own to find something. Little did Jasper know, the campers would probably be teaming up anyways, so he probably could have tagged along with David if he actually thought to do that, but he didn’t, so he didn’t. Rather, he found himself keeping to a trail behind the campers tents, figuring he wouldn’t lose his sense of direction if he kept to a fairly recognizable path, he also hoped he wouldn’t have to go too far, just because he wouldn’t want to end up hurting his already terrible knees on the way back.

 

During this walk, a lot of his thoughts were focused on David, and watching out for bears and other animals. When his thoughts weren’t forcing him to think about his trauma, he found himself stopping to enjoy the scenery. He took time to appreciate the tall trees that covered most of his view of the sky, the morning light that shined through them for the shadows to create a beautiful, almost underwater type of filter on everywhere he looked. Even the bushes, as much as they made him panic to see the crisp morning breeze move them at all, were a sight to see. For heck's sake! The  _ dirt _ and the rocks that litter the trail are aesthetically pleasing. He kept walking, allowing the beauty of nature to take his mind off the task at hand until he wandered into the presence of a small cave, thus causing his heart to immediately sink to the coldest, deepest part of his stomach. His hand immediately coming up to cover his mouth as he swallowed his desire to throw up.

 

Despite the fact he had to wear a sweater in order to keep warm in the morning, he could feel cold sweat begin to form on his forehead and back, but when he went to wipe it away, his forehead was just as dry as the dirt he stood on - which was quite dry, to say the least.  _ ‘Stay strong’ _ , he told himself,  _ ‘there’s nothing in there’ _ , he told himself,  _ ‘everything is going to be fine’ _ , he told himself. Repeating these things in his head, over and over again. With a deep breath, he took a step towards the cave in question.

 

“There’s nothing in there,” He whispered after looking around, allowing himself to take comfort in talking to himself out loud once he concluded that he was completely alone in regards to human beings being around. “What would Davey tell you?” He paused to think about the response to his own question, what _would_ he say? _‘Probably nothing, but..’_ It was a terrible thought, really, but the notion of being able to prove to himself that this little cave was empty came to mind and it was something that easily appealed to him. “There is _absolutely_ _nothing_ in there.” He repeated in as stern a tone as his quiet volume would allow, trying to convince himself that this statement were true as if he were a child being told no to buying a toy for the eight hundredth time.

 

Once again, he stepped towards the cave, and again. With every step, he repeated to himself softly, “There’s nothing in there.” He did this until he was walking at a slightly below average pace towards it, but fast enough for his words to be unable to keep up with his steps. Once he was standing in front of the opening, he sighed. He was right, nothing dangerous was in there. Looking at the ground, he could see the decaying body of a large, unidentifiable animal, along with a small animal beside it.  _ Perfect _ .

 

Jasper fixed up his gloves, making very slow and quiet steps towards the mouse. His presence was detected in the first step, but with fast reflexes and a jump, he somehow caught it between his hands, though it easily slipped through his fingers and Jasper had to catch it by the tail in order to keep it in his grip without the potential of killing it. Now to find his way back to camp.

It was easy enough to get back to camp, he kept looking at his live catch every few minutes, just to assure himself it was still there. Once back at camp, he realized he was, of course, the last one there. David looked stressed, but the second he caught Jasper’s eye, he seemed to calm down quite a bit.  _ Was he worried? _

 

Somehow, nobody got lost, or bit, or sick. It was a miracle, really. As for what the everyone aside from Jasper caught, there wasn’t much more than bugs, but Nikki brought back a long snake, David and the Quartermaster each had squirrels. Harrison had a rabbit, and to his luck, nobody questioned whether or not he actually found it or just pulled it out of his hat. Nerris had picked up a stick, but Jasper stopped listening when they started explaining to David what it was to her - not that he didn’t care, he was just more interested in looking around at everything else. Max didn’t bring anything, but that was to nobody’s surprise, Neil was disgusted by the beetle in his gloved hand. With all of this, Jasper found himself proud that he’d managed to catch a mouse, but despite his pride, he wasn’t disappointed when David had brought everyone out to the nearest line of trees in order to release everything they’d caught. 

After this, everyone was ordered to have a shower. Of course. Once the showers were all over, they resumed their usual Thursday activities, and Jasper resumed his usual job with supervising the art camp inside the mess hall.

 

The day felt short, and night fell fairly quickly. Once the campers were all in their tents, Jasper went straight to bed, instead of staying up with David and Gwen to watch television. This isn’t to say he went straight to sleep, though. One big contradiction this situation was, one moment the initial thought of David gave him the strength to work his way through a panic attack and not run away from the potential of his fears, and the next the thought of David forbids him rest at night. He couldn’t be saved from this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when the next update will be, but it's gonna be a fairly long chapter considering how my planning looks. preston is very important in it, especially with how easily he picks up on everything about jasper.


	7. Just two words I don't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without a big activity involving the whole camp to be supervising, Jasper's thoughts wander to just how strongly he feels about David. Once again, Preston steps in, and Jasper acts on his feelings without thinking. Rash as it was, things change between them. No more shame, no more embarrassment, nothing. David knew how he felt, and David was happy. That was all it took for Jasper to be happy.

What Nerris wanted to do came as no surprise to Jasper, nor anyone at all. The little elf kept their activities off to the side after pestering Neil and Harrison into doing DnD and other roleplaying games with them, while everyone else was, once again, free to do whatever they pleased that day. Another day that would hopefully go by smooth and uneventful. Thankfully, none of the campers were giving any of the counselors, or even each other, any trouble, giving them no reason to be occupying his thoughts with moving around the camp, breaking up arguments, and otherwise tending to their needs with the other counselors; he was left to think to himself. It should go without saying by now, but if it doesn’t, of course, David comes to mind when there’s nothing else to think about.

 

As completely and totally in love as he felt, Jasper knew before he even came to the conclusion that he’d have to keep his whole situation and feelings to himself, David could never know, and Jasper would never willingly tell him. The blond was content to keep his crushing a secret, too. It’s not that he was afraid of rejection, but he valued David’s comfort too much. He didn’t want Davey to feel awkward around him, and Jasper didn’t want David to start avoiding him because of this. Sure, rejection in all it’s forms hurt, but he could get over it, he had done it many times in the past with both romantic feelings, and platonic in the form getting put down by his family, friends, teachers and so on,, but ruining a highly valued friendship over something as silly as romantic feelings was not something that Jasper wanted to risk doing. Not at all.

 

At the same time, though, Jasper wanted to tell David everything. From his still-existing injuries and PTSD, to his parents being kinda shitty, and all the way down to how much being around him was enough to overwhelm him with the desire to just cup his cheeks and pull him into a long-lasting kiss, then proceed on with their day supervising the campers side-by-side, taking every opportunity they could to hold hands or touch in any possible way. It was silly, ridiculous even. These feelings were killing him internally, and yet they were restricting him from dying, he was living off how in love he felt. Just a whole big contradiction. He wanted to know that David wasn’t pretending not to see what was happening within him, how the pit of his stomach felt cold thinking about him, while the rest of him wouldn’t feel any different should he have been on fire.

 

He sighed, leaning against the outer wall of the mess hall and letting his eyes drift shut. The logs were an unpleasant feeling against his back and head, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He stayed like this for a few minutes, eyes half-lidded and leaning against the building as his thoughts about David left him feeling sleepy, yet well rested. Calm and not wanting to move. Movement from him came only when Max tugged at a leg of his shorts, causing him to jump. It took him a few seconds of staring down at the jaded camper to clue into what he wanted. He was holding his bear in the hand that kept it a secret discrete from potentially prying eyes of other children, and a button in the other. Jasper took the two items into a hand, giving Max a questioning look.

 

“Fix it.” Well, at least the kid was straightforward about what he wanted from the counselor, even if it wasn’t very polite. The least he could do was say ‘please’, but Jasper wasn’t going to make himself sound lame for requesting that he use manners. He wasn’t really in the mood, and it was rare for Max to ask anything of the counselors anyways. It had to be important in his eyes in order for him to request something.

 

Jasper pushed himself off the wall with a hum, “Alright,” He told the child before starting towards the counselor's cabin, where he was sure he would find the needed sewing supplies. Sharp needles, scissors, and otherwise dangerous objects could, and should, be hidden away from the children's reach to prevent anything too disastrous happening, the counselors learned that the hard way considering Cameron Campbell’s lack of desire to offer them proper training. To his surprise, Max quietly followed him, staring intently at the bear he held. He contemplated examining it on the way but decided against it. Max seemed awfully behaved compared to what he usually was at the moment - well, more like quiet and attentive to what Jasper was doing, but behaved worked too - and he didn’t want to risk changing that by doing something Max didn’t like with his bear. A bear that was important enough for him to order that it was fixed.

 

They reached the cabin in no time at all, and Max insisted on following Jasper into the cabin and locking the door once they were in. Jasper set the bear and the button, evidently the eye seeing as the bear seemed to be missing one, instead replaced with fluff escaping their soft, fabric prison into plain sight, onto the desk as he retrieved a needle and a few spools of different coloured thread. Before heading back to the bear, he stopped to kneel down in front of Max, asking him to pick a colour of thread.

 

“Just fix the damn bear.” Max snapped, crossing his arms tight over his chest - an unusual gesture compared to his usual relaxed, hands in sweater pockets, pose - Jasper shrugged and opted to go with the closest colour he could to the fabric. His language made him contemplate scolding him, but considering how Jasper used his outdated 80s and 90s lingo as a habit to stop himself from cursing.. He decided that Max would mature eventually, after all, he’s just a child.

 

He picked up the bear and begun his work on fixing up the face before putting the eye back in, the gentle, repeated gestures of fixing up the large tear in near silence leading his mind back to David. Would David have scolded Max? Would David have just given Max the thread and needle to fix on his own? Does David even know sewing? They were dumb questions, but he felt at ease while sewing, eased enough to glance at Max while he paused the sewing to push stuffing back into the face and make an attempt at conversation. Max was staring him down, and Jasper could tell from his general aura of slight anxiety that he wanted Jasper to be gentle with his bear.

 

“Does your bear have a name?” He asked, looking back down at the bear to hopefully appear more focused on doing this perfectly. To hopefully bring Max down to the same level of relaxed as he felt while sewing, with the quiet nagging thought of David in the back of his head.

 

It took Max a few seconds before he answered; “Mr Honeynuts.” Based on his quiet volume of voice, and general tone, he seemed embarrassed. Which was understandable to an extent, after all, he was ten and had a stuffed bear. With a name. Jasper smiled, tying off the end of the stitch and handing it to Max as he got up to retrieve the button.

 

“How’s Mr Honeynuts looking so far?” Jasper asked, sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

 

“You missed a spot.” Max handed the bear back, pointing to a spot in the seam of the bear's side. Jasper nodded in acknowledgement, holding the button out for Max to take and hold onto while Jasper set the bear on his lap and threaded his needle once again, before beginning to slip-stitch the smaller tear. He wasn’t insulted, so Jasper figured that it was a compliment on the bear's face.

 

He had the bears side fixed up in no time at all, his mind continuing to wander to David in the lack of conversation as he sewed, while he didn’t need to focus on it as much as much as he appeared to, he wanted to please Max, so while he sewed without thimbles like a second nature, he thought of how the week had gone so far; he’d managed to catch feelings stronger than any other feeling he’d felt towards anyone within the course of seven days. That was only a week. After he had the side fixed up, he tied off his slip-stitch, threaded his needle once again and held his hand out for the button, which was promptly placed in the palm of his hand.

 

Fixing the button-eye turned out to be a little more complicated than he thought, seeing as he got the needle lost in the bear's head multiple times. Whenever he made stuffed animals in the past, he was used to stitching buttons on before filling the head. Once he figured it out, he opted to strengthen the stitching on the other eye, too, just in case. He didn’t want to get stuck doing this again, and he was sure that David wouldn’t either, if Max even wanted to ask him. Gwen? Probably didn’t know much about sewing. “Here you go.” He handed the bear to Max and gave him pat on the head, while he promptly thanked him and escaped the cabin. Not to be seen for the rest of the day.

 

-

 

It wasn’t until around noon that Jasper ran into David while checking up on the campers and asking about their day while they ate lunch. “Jasper! I haven’t seen you all day!” He chirped, his arm falling over Jasper’s shoulders. “How’s it been?” Jasper could feel his throat grow heavy as if it had been filled with sand or something of the like as his back and ears grew warm. He glanced away from David, tempted to push his arm off for some breathing room, but also enjoying being this close.

 

“Great! Yourself?” He smiled nervously, and David let go of him after he responded, his expression shifting from that of his usual large happy-go-lucky smile to that of him thinking. While Jasper’s own nervousness died down a little, and his smaller smile was more genuine as he appreciated David’s exaggerated way of implying that he was thinking.

 

“Well, the day hasn’t been super exciting, sadly, but!” He momentarily looked sad, but he piped up within moments as he prepared to make an optimistic comment, and Jasper couldn’t help but think about how his cheeriness and optimism practically defined him as a person, and about the nights he laid awake thinking about it, and how he could make himself more like David, into something he’d like. “I took a little walk and saw a doe in the grass, almost stepped him he was so small!”

 

Jasper laughed, a quiet chuckle really, but a laugh all the same. “Really?” He asked, curious and wanting to hear a little more. Not only about the deer, but just wanting to hear more of David’s voice. Cheesy, but true. David went on, talking about his walk, and how he thought the small animal was a piece of chicken before he kneeled down to get a closer look, then left the area promptly as to make sure its mother comes back for it.

 

They continued their conversation about that, and Jasper had talked about his own day, too. How quiet and rather well-behaved Max was being while Jasper had the bear, and how proud of himself he was for not thinking about actual bears even _one time_ while he was sewing up the stuffed bear for Max. “Y’know, despite this being a scam. I’m quite happy to be working here with you.” He threw in the ‘with you’ on impulse, and regretted it immediately after he spoke it, but didn’t try to fix it; he felt awkward about telling him that he didn’t mind working with him, and he didn’t want to make himself more flustered by trying to take it back. Besides, it wasn’t a lie.

 

David looked rather happy to hear this, or maybe it was just how he looked happy all the time. Jasper couldn’t tell. “I’m happy to be working with you, too! We’re best counselor buddies for life!” He punched Jasper’s arm in a friendly gesture.

 

“Yeah, we are.” Jasper gave a sheepish smile, to hide the fact he felt a little sad that they were only David’s equivalent of best friends. Only a little, he was still very happy to just be his friend.

 

By the time their conversation started to come to a close, the two co-counselors had taken a seat by one of the tables, and most of the campers had already left the mess hall to continue with their afternoon activities. Save from Preston, who was watching them from the side. Once a comfortable silence started to fill the room, it was immediately broken by Preston.

 

“Just _kiss already_ ! The audience here is _dying_ for some romantic action!” Preston’s loud voice echoed in the near-empty room, and Jasper’s face immediately turned a bright red. He liked Preston as a camper, really, but _why was he like this_. He could only feel sheer embarrassment not even bother to creep rather than slam into him in one large wave. He felt the need to scoot away from David like he had the first time Preston had been spying on them and saying something about romance, but he couldn’t move away from him. No matter how much he willed himself to.

 

“Now, Preston, you shouldn’t tell people to do stuff like that, it’s inappropriate and comes across as-” Jasper felt as if he were helplessly watching his body move on it’s own, he couldn’t stop himself from what he was doing. Preston had given him an excuse, so he did just as requested. It was short-lived, he was dissociating in an out-of-body way, but he was doing just as asked of him. He interrupted David’s scolding by grabbing the yellow shirt wrapped around his neck and pulling him into a few seconds of an unreturned kiss. As soon as he let go, he moved a few feet down the bench seating. Oh, _now_ he could move. He couldn’t even look in David’s direction, much less meet the stare he was being given. “Jasper..”

 

“ _Finally!_ ” Preston got up and made his way out the door, and without looking Jasper could tell from the pattern of his footsteps that he was carrying himself in a pleased, ‘I totally knew it’ way. Perhaps the camper didn’t understand the shame that Jasper was feeding himself for what he did. He was just a child, after all, a child with keen eyes and no chill. A thought suddenly came to Jasper, he was just a child- and Jasper was a counselor. It was Jasper’s job to make sure the campers were happy here at Camp Campbell.

 

“Sorry, I just thought-” He started too soon, forcing his nervous glance up towards David. He couldn’t look the redhead in the eyes, but he wasn’t expecting himself to be able to. Just to be able to face him was an accomplishment that could hopefully save this whole situation. “Well, if I..” He huffed, thinking about his wording choice for a few brief moments as David moved closer to him. “I-I thought that if I, er.. Did _that_ ” He cursed himself internally for the stuttering, it wasn’t helping his case at all, “He might be happy and stop y’know.. Putting romantic context on everything we do if I did _what he asked_..?” He avoided directly stating what he did, making his lie that much more obvious.

 

Jasper had a hard time keeping his eyes in one place, but when he did manage to look at David, he could tell that he wasn’t buying it. “Jasper.” He stated, though from the silence that followed, Jasper could tell that David didn’t really know what he wanted to say. This earned a long, audible sigh from Jasper. The redhead placed a hand over his friend's hand, keeping quiet for the time being. They sat like that for a few minutes, Jasper waiting for his friend to figure out what he was thinking, and David waiting for Jasper to respond. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” He finally finished.

 

Jasper didn’t feel like he had much of a choice but to confess at this point, did he even have to? David obviously knew how he felt, but Jasper couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to state it. To confirm it for him. He should’ve thought his words through more thoroughly before speaking, rather than just knowing the concept of what he wanted to say, “I’m in this..” Jasper pulled his hand away from underneath David’s in favour of being able to fidget with his fingers.

 

His hands were clammy, and he didn’t like it one bit. The flustered warmth he had started to grow fond of had become something no short of being a curse, “‘Cause this.. Is this?” He wanted to get it out at this point, he didn’t feel as if he could stop himself to think about it, but he couldn’t just say that he loved David out loud. _Why this?!_ “I am.. In this..” He sighed, giving himself a brief moment of thought as he rubbed his hands on his thighs to perhaps make them feel a little cooler and less sweaty. “For you.. In this.” Jasper was growing frustrated with himself. Why couldn’t he just say it?

 

David put a hand on Jasper’s shoulder, stopping him in his thoughts to get his attention. Jasper took a sudden interest in staring down at his shoes as David gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, and Jasper knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth. “Jasper, I’m sorry, but-”

 

“It’s okay!” Jasper, interrupted him, he couldn’t let David feel remorse or guilt about his own feelings, he had to fix it. “I’m totally happy to just be your friend! Honest.” He looked at David, staring him right in the eyes with a small smile before looking away again, keeping the grin as he continued speaking; “I know there’s nothing I can do about my own feelings, and this whole situation...” Suddenly, Jasper felt as if he knew what he was doing. His thoughts came into place, and he knew that the only thing he wanted was for David to be happy, that’s all it would take for him to be content. “It just kills me but.. it’s also what restricts me from dying. So don’t feel bad, please.”

 

David nodded, giving him a pat on the back and standing up. “If you don’t want me to feel bad, I won’t.” The smile he gave Jasper was as gentle as the tone of voice he was using - if that was even possible - and it made Jasper light up a little on the inside. “Now! We should check up on the campers, make sure they aren’t up to too much trouble!” David pulled Jasper up from his seat, and the two made their way out of the mess hall.

 

Jasper was content, and now he was only content. As strongly as he still felt romantically towards his co-counselor and best friend, it wasn’t bringing him any negative thoughts. No shame, no embarrassment, nothing. David knew how he felt, their friendship was still intact, and David was happy. That was all it took for Jasper to be happy, even if he wasn’t with David in the way he wanted. Just a whole, big contradiction’s what he ended being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end! thanks for reading!
> 
> this whole fic was based off ][this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLdMM696naM)], if the link doesn't work, it's called "Situation of mine" by MakkuSan/DEX!


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